Before working with Ivan I was already deep in my self-help and spiritual journey. Yet, I felt frustrated that things weren't going my way. I felt as if there were things beneath the surface that no matter how much I tried to work on the things I thought I needed to work on- I kept sliding back to the same habits, behaviours and thought-patterns that held me back my whole life. I was at a loss of what to do? What needed to get "fixed"? What was it that I overlooked and was sitting at the core of the suffering and frustration in my life?
I tried a lot of self help and spirituality programs and communities. Most of them did help to some degree, but I always drifted back to old patterns. I tried programs related to masculinity, self love, life planning and spirituality as a whole - yet nothing managed to really shift me. I saw short-term, sometimes mid-term changes, but it's like I always knew at the back of my mind that that's all those were, and indeed it turned into reality.
I have been following Ivan for quite a while then since I met him as the manager of Mindvalley's Lifebook Ambassadors community. I saw his post on Mission 1000, I think it was the first time he ever introduced it. I already had great appreciation for how he showed up on social media, I attended one of his workshops before on confidence that was really deep and intense and left a big impression on me, and I decided to give it a try.
In our second meeting, he told me something that I cannot recall at the moment, but at the time was very hard for me to accept. It was so hard that I didn't schedule a third meeting, yet I couldn't ignore it. It kept ringing in my head for a few weeks until I came to realize it was the truth he presented to me, and a damn hard one. One that I tried my best to deny but to no avail. At the same time I just finished a big program I went through about self love. I paid a LOT of money for it - but saw very little results. I decided I was done with group programs for many reasons, the main one being it always felt they hit 70-80% in the best case, or didn't hit at all in the worst case. They didn't account for my own specific case, life, desires, struggles- and it frustrated me to try and adapt my situation to their teachings, I wanted to start working 1 on 1 with someone. Someone who I truly appreciated, someone who would help me navigate my OWN psych, and most importantly someone who won't be afraid to put the truth- ANY truth- right in my face.
I needed a raw, unapologetic, honest coach who would tear down any excuses I presented to him, who would help me break my own walls and find my love for myself, my freedom to choose my path and my voice to stand for it. The choice was right there, obvious to me like the sun in midday skies. Ivan was the guy for me. Words are few to describe. It was humbling, it was hard, it demanded me to look at my darkest places and shine light upon those. It required my dedication to the process, my full attention in every session, and more presence in my life as a whole.
It was also gentle, eye opening, and a very grounding experience. His essence, his being, his sheer presence felt like it was opening me up to greater possibilities. Ivan was amazing at adapting to my own pace and providing me with a safe space to fully express myself without any fear of judgment. He was also very supportive of any other self-development and self-help that I got (I was working with a psychologist as well at the time we started working together and until now I am working with both) - showing just how confident (and rightly so) he is in his ability to provide his own unique value to me.
And most importantly- it was the most raw and authentic presence I have ever felt in my life. I knew I was looking for someone like that, but Ivan takes no prisoners with his authenticity and the truths he presents to you. And I lOVE that about him. I needed that so much, I myself didn't even realize how much until we got to depths I never imagined in our work together. In one word- freedom. It took a long time to get there - we went through so much, broke so many beliefs, punched through so many walls, learned to love so many forgotten and long-rejected parts of myself. We healed deep parental wounds and discovered layers upon layers of the things that are holding me back, each time going deeper and deeper.
There is still work to do, there will always be as long as I am a human being. And the fact that I am no longer daunted by that, the fact I no longer let the fact that I am not perfect (and never will be) determine whether I am worthy of love or not, the fact that I am becoming more and more authentic, more and more of the same person that is really me in every situation - those are my biggest wins with Ivan. I finally have the freedom to choose ME without fear, to stand for what matters to me and to lead my life the way *I* want to lead my life - there is no amount of gratitude I can express for being able to feel those things.