When I was in my teens and twenties I wanted to be powerful. I wanted to be famous. I wanted to have a lot of money.
The closest I got to fame (if one could call it that) was during my bodybuilding career.
But I didn’t feel powerful. I didn’t have lots of money. And, I wasn’t famous.
None of it felt good. And it didn’t feel like ME!
(Now I know why it felt that way – it was an expression of my lower scared limited self – my ego. How do I know? The energies that drove my pursuits were insecurity, inadequacy, self-doubt, and scarcity!)
The next thing I did was I decided to go to the opposite side of the spectrum – I muted myself… for 20 years.
The way I “accomplished” that was I gave power to a new story – “I am not meant for anything big. I am destined to live an average life”. And I sank into smallness.
That didn’t feel like ME either, though.
There was a part of me that refused to believe that I am destined for mediocrity although my life and circumstances were very much suggesting just that.
(Now I know that this part of me is my true self. And I know the energies it drives my pursuits from – creativity, curiosity, co-creation, compassion, fun, joy, love!)
Today, I am re-learning and strengthening the subtle connection between my scared conditioned human expression and the voice of my true self (that’s the only connection you and I had from 0-2 years).
I am also learning to collapse the time between “hearing” my subtle voice and taking aligned action. In other words, I am learning to very quickly dismiss any (scared) wobble, hesitation, or doubt.
[Sidenote: There was a different text below this line. My intellect was saying “it’s great”. My subtle true voice whispered, “this doesn’t feel good”. I deleted and changed all of it. And it feels good now.]
Listen!…
I know that oftentimes you feel alone in your struggles. I’m sharing vulnerably with you because I want you to know that you are not unique in that!
It might look like most other people are doing just fine and you are the only one who feels the heaviness of life.
Not true!
I feel it. Everyone else feels it too – no matter how it looks on the outside.
Most people will never dare to share their true inner worlds openly – because they are scared… and that’s okay.
“Scared” is NOT BAD. It’s one of the most normal emotions a human can experience. It is one of the earliest, most primal, and most familiar emotions.
So being scared is not bad and it’s not unique to you. It’s just not useful to be in that emotion most or all of the time.
Being Powerful is NOT BAD either!
Because when it comes from that never-scared deeper place, it is your truest life expression. It’s your “default setting”
When you give yourself permission to express your powerful truth (and it’s okay to be scared once in a while too) the answers you are asking and waiting for will come to you effortlessly.
And your world will change.
And my world and the worlds of the rest of us will change too – because your world has changed!
A rising tide lifts all boats!
Much love –
Ivan