Have you ever asked yourself “What do I really want?”
The answer to the question is uniquely private. The “answer” is your own experience.
The very definition of “experience” is it’s uniquely private and non-reproducible.
Meaning nobody can have this experience for you. Nobody can get to the answer but you. Therefore nobody else can tell you what it is you truly want.
The good news is others can offer hints. Or pointers.
Here I will offer my hints to what I believe you really want.
(Keep in mind, this is my private experience, not the truth. You’ll have to do your own introspection to find out if – or rather how much – this applies to you. That said, based on my exposure to the protected inner lives of many people, I am quite confident these pointers provide a solid base for deep self-exploration.)
At the most foundational level, you want…
To experience excitement, happiness, joy, fulfillment, inner peace, love
These appear as separate words. But considered together they are hinting at your true innate state.
We don’t have one word to express this innate state (a consequence of the limitation of language as a tool of the limited individual mind).
That’s why we have to use all of them in the hopes that we can paint a full picture – exactly the way an artist uses different colors or a musician – different notes.
A sense of meaning
I don’t need to explain this. It takes about 30 seconds of introspection to know it. In psychology, this is known as the Meaning Maintenance Model (MMM).
Important points:
- Clarity precedes personal meaning
- Meaning changes during the different “seasons” of life
- Most people will never explore meaning beyond commonly propagated concepts by society and culture (achievement being the pinnacle one)
- Finding personal meaning is laborsome, uncomfortable, confronting, and oftentimes scary
To feel whole again
This requires unpacking, which based on my current understanding could take the size of a chapter in a book.
Suffice it to say it’s related to your primal knowing – and inner experience – that you are separated from your true source (temporarily at least).
This primal knowing stokes the constant but quiet background longing to feel whole again.
This inner longing is well-represented by the yin-yang principle in Chinese philosophy.
That’s as far as I can go today with my pointers.
What do you think?
More importantly, what do you really want?