3 important LESSONS my son Constantin taught me in his first 2 weeks of life

  1. If I don’t take care of my own needs first I can’t take care of his needs
  2. Patience
  3. I am not fully healed – I still tend to react in a way that takes away his inborn Authenticity

The first lesson is self-explanatory. If I don’t fill my cup first I can’t help him or others. This is something I’ve known (and I coach around that) but my son has helped me drive this knowing much deeper.

The second lesson – patience. I’ve been learning patience since I was 7 or 8 – I remember how I snapped at my mom and broke the vacuum cleaner. She loved me through it. I felt better as I expressed my anger, but also I felt guilt.

I didn’t know back then why but I know today – because I didn’t express my anger in a way that’s harmless to others or my environment.

I’m good at patience these days. But, my patience has been tested with another twist – in the experience of being unable to help another.

When my son is crying – that’s his only way of communicating right now – I can only suppose it’s one of the following – hunger, cold, tiredness, or gut pain. I can quickly take care of ‘cold’ but I feel unable and powerless with the rest.

I can’t make him go to sleep if he is tired, I can’t help much with gut pains, and I can’t feed him – I have a boob but my boob it’s not capable of satisfying his needs.

But the last one – taking away his authenticity… that’s the biggest!

See, when we are infants and toddlers we are faced with what’s perhaps the biggest and most life-altering choice we ever have to make – the choice to trade in our inborn AUTHENTICITY for SURVIVAL (Attachment).

How? Oftentimes being ourselves (authentic) is not acceptable for our prime caregivers. And, since we are dependent on them to stay alive and safe, little by little we give up being ourselves.

Back to my third lesson. I catch myself sometimes telling my son: “That’s not ok!” and then I immediately realize what I’m doing.

But the point is – I react based on my unhealed hurt from my own childhood and then a second later my brain catches up to it and I realize what I’m doing.

The good part is, AWARENESS is the most critical first step. I am aware of this now. I know what to do after that (after all that’s why I am in the business of human upgrades!).

I am in profound appreciation of the whole process. I’m only praying that I catch more of my still unconscious survival patterns – and process them – before I pass them on to the next generation.

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